Quick answer

The Come As You Are Workbook offers structured, evidence-based exercises that help you explore your unique sexual response, identify your personal accelerators and brakes, and build a more fulfilling intimate life.

Why a workbook format works for sexual self-discovery

Reading about sexuality is one thing; applying it to your own life is another. The workbook format bridges that gap by turning research into actionable steps. Instead of just absorbing concepts like the dual control model of arousal, you work through prompts that make those ideas personal.

One trade-off: the exercises require honest self-reflection, which can feel uncomfortable at first. The book is designed to meet you where you are, but you'll get the most out of it if you're ready to sit with your feelings.

Who benefits most from this workbook

This workbook is ideal for anyone who has read Come As You Are and wants to go deeper, as well as for those new to the material who prefer a hands-on approach. It's especially helpful for people who feel disconnected from their own desire or who struggle with shame around sex.

If you're looking for a purely academic overview of female sexuality without personal exercises, a traditional textbook or the original book might suit you better.

Frequently asked questions

What is the dual control model and how does the workbook teach it?

The workbook introduces the concept that your sexual response is governed by both an accelerator (sensitive to sexual cues) and a brake (sensitive to potential threats or reasons not to be aroused). Exercises help you identify what turns your accelerator on and what presses your brake.

How do I identify my personal accelerators and brakes?

You'll work through guided prompts that ask about specific situations, feelings, and contexts. For example, one exercise asks you to list times you felt desire and times you didn't, then look for patterns. Another helps you recognize common brake activators like stress, body image concerns, or relationship conflict.

Can this workbook help with low desire or mismatched libido in a relationship?

Yes. The workbook includes exercises designed to help you understand your own desire context rather than comparing it to a partner's. It also offers communication prompts that can help you explain your sexual response to a partner without blame or shame.

Do I need to read Come As You Are first?

No, but it helps. The workbook is designed to stand alone, with enough explanation of key concepts to complete the exercises. However, readers who have read the original book will recognize the framework and may move through the exercises more quickly.

How much time does each exercise take?

Exercises vary from quick five-minute reflections to deeper journaling sessions that might take 20-30 minutes. The workbook is self-paced, so you can choose what fits your schedule and emotional readiness. Start with shorter exercises to build comfort with the process before tackling the more intensive prompts.

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